Reginald Mathalone. Shutterstock Images.NY Post – A Philadelphia flyer was left with third-degree burns and “disfiguring scars” on his penis and testicles after spilling hot tea on his lap during a Frontier Airlines flight, according to a new lawsuit.
Sean Miller was flying home from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, when he spilled the “scalding” drink — which was filled to the brim — causing “highly unsightly and embarrassing discoloration on his penis, scrotum/testicles,” and “significantly decreased sensation in his penis,” according to the federal suit.
As soon as the plane landed in Philadelphia on Sept. 20, an ambulance met Miller, 56, on the ground and he was rushed to Jefferson Medical Hospital’s burn center and treated for severe third-degree burns.
“Due to the tightly-situated plane seat configuration, Mr. Miller was unable to get up from his seat after the spill and, instead, was trapped in agonizing pain while his body was being burnt,” his attorney, Adam S. Barrist, told The Independent.
Miller also suffered a herniated disc while writhing in “agony” in the constrained setting, according to the lawsuit, filed in the Eastern District of Pennsylvania on Sunday.
I’m typically the #1 proponent of being victimized by a large corporation’s negligence so that they can be sued into oblivion. Break my arm, break my leg, cut off a pinky, render me 10% blind, turn me gay, I can overcome all of that for a price. But I’m not sure if I can sign up for “disfigured penis”. Especially not if the NY Post is going to write an article about me. Did they really have to do that? Does that somehow help the guys lawsuit because it makes the whole thing more public? It’s a shame really. Because when the NY Post writes something, then Barstool Sports is contractually obligated to blog about it. The whole story goes viral online. Then the world knows Sean Miller of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina as the disfigured penis guy.
Although the more I think about it, this might not be all bad. The article says he’s lost some sensation in his penis. But that could be a good thing. People pay to for products that remove sensation so they last longer in bed. I’m pretty sure that’s literally what Roman Swipes are. Unless Sean is a selfish lover, that should be a positive. And I’ve learned from t-shirts that chicks actually dig scars. Maybe it looks awesome. They make ribbed condoms for a reason (her pleasure). Maybe it even feels awesome.
I’m not trying to make light of the situation. Well, yes, I am. I’m just saying look on the bright side. It’s all about how you market your disfigured penis. Obviously you have to mope around and play the sad sack, woe is me, my life is over, my confidence is shot, I’ll never be the same person again card while the lawsuit is going on. You have to appear as miserable as possible to make sure you get paid. Play it up like crazy. I’m not sure if I buy the fact that he’s suffering neck pain and “disc herniations throughout his body”, but you might as well throw whatever you possibly can in the lawsuit.
In addition to the burns, he says the spill also left him with pinched and damaged nerves, neck pain, embarrassment, emotional harm, and “strains, sprains, disc bulges and disc herniations throughout his body, the extent of which is presently unknown.”
But do what you have to do now, and once that couple million dollar Frontier Airlines check clears, you could spin this whole thing to your advantage. You just need to ditch the “disfigured penis” label and rebrand yourself. Sean “Scarpenis” Miller, the Pussy Slaying King of Myrtle Beach. Next vacation season you’ll have a line of Myrtle Beach’s finest overweight moms in fanny packs and sun visors lined up down the street.
Still don’t think I’d sign up for that personally. But this doesn’t have to be the end of this guys life. There’s a lot of good things that can come out of it. The first step to get any woman (or man I don’t know his sexuality) to sleeping with you is to get them thinking about your penis. Or something like that. Idk. Hang in there, Sean.